Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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