so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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