he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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