I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
