Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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