I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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