just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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