drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
