I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
