dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
