I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize