found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
