But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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