it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
