you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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