did you get engaged???
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
