So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
