cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
