ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
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