im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
