sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize