you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
