Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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