i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
