is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
