I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
