party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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