my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Randomize
