My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
