p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
