Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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