I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm passing your future prison.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
