I accidentally had phone sex last night
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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