i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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