Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We are two peas in an std pod
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
