Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
