we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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