The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
