Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
