you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
