found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
