You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
