I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
