Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My dick has a subreddit
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
