it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
