DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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