It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
