Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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