I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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