I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
