Where did you get a picture of my penis
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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