That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
