So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
