i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
