I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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