i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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