Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
