my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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