Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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