Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
