"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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