whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
