if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
