Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
