Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
