I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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