I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize