At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
