your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
