how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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