It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
