Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize