At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
