Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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